Ep. 105 - Mary Elizabeth Murphy - Reset Your Buttons

One brave ask can change a career, and one heavy loss can make you question who you even are. We sit down with Mary Elizabeth Murphy, CEO of Star Resources and author of Reset Your Buttons, to talk about both sides of that reality and what it takes to lead through it. Mary Elizabeth has spent decades in training and development, team dynamics, and workplace leadership, but her story starts with a moment many professionals recognize: layoffs, uncertainty, and that uncomfortable decision to reach out for guidance.

We dig into how mentorship actually works in real life, how the “wrong” person can still be the right connector, and why leadership often finds you before you feel ready. The conversation turns deeply personal as she describes grief after losing her best friend to ovarian cancer and how faith and community helped her find her legs again. 

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Transcript

Welcome To Leader Impact

SPEAKER_01 0:06

Welcome to the Leader Impact Podcast. We are a community of leaders with a network in over 350 cities around the world dedicated to optimizing our personal, professional, and spiritual lives to have impact. This show is where we have a chance to listen and engage with leaders who are living this out. We love talking with leaders, so if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions to make this show even better, please let us know. The best way to stay connected in Canada is through our newsletter at Leaderimpact.ca or on social at LeaderImpact. And if you're listening from outside Canada, check out our website at leaderimpact.com. I'm your host, Lisa Peters, and our guest today is Mary Elizabeth Murphy. Mary Elizabeth has spent over 30 years of experience working directly with clients. She is a reliable, results-driven expert in team dynamics, development, and cohesion. As CEO and owner of Star Resources and author of Reset Your Buttons, she has been teaching the skills to earn more, achieve more, and produce more since 1993. Enhancing interpersonal relationships and increasing the effectiveness and productivity in the workplace is her passion. Encouraging women and leadership in the workplace is another of her passions. She has been awarded the North Carolina Women in Business Champion of the Year for her commitment to the advancement of women's business ownership. She has also been named one of North Carolina lawyers' weekly 50 most influential women, and T D magazine named her one of the six recipients of the prestigious Trainings New Guard for her ability to inspire others with her passion, determination, and success. Welcome to the show, Mary Elizabeth.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Thank you, Lisa. I am thrilled to be here and to be a part of your podcast and reach and reach women who are in leadership.

The Mentor Who Changed Everything

SPEAKER_01 1:46

I love it. Well, um, you came highly recommended from a friend that we just that I just met, Tara. So um, and she glowed about you. So I'm excited to hear a little bit more about your story. Good. All right. So one of the first things we love to ask is just a little bit about yourself. But really, what we're looking for is a pivotal moment in your journey that maybe changed things. And I'm excited because I don't know you, and I'm like, oh, maybe like hearing Tara Brown was a HR for 30 years, and then now she's a like comedian traveling the world. So yeah, sort of looking for that pivotal moment in your life along your journey.

SPEAKER_00 2:24

Yeah, I you know, um I when you've lived this much life, there's quite a few pivotal moments along the way in the journey. And so um, I guess I would say uh in the beginning, I was I I started into training and development, uh having um come out of owning a gift basket and balloon decorating business. My career prior to that was in marketing, um, and I uh decided to go into training because I had this experience of traveling around and and training in different businesses and and different people, and I wanted to be my own boss, and the organization was having a a downsizing, and I was one of the last ones hired, so that's generally the first one let go, right? Um, so that worked out, but I didn't know exactly how to do it or how to get started, and so um I had three different sources, and this is this is where this spiritual my faith side comes into it, which is the um trust, just trust in God and He will direct your paths, right? Uh, and that's not always an easy thing to do, uh, particularly when you've been laying on the couch for a few too many weeks, and Hagen Daz has become your friend or Ben and Jerry's or pick pick and flavor. You're making it real, Mary Elizabeth.

unknown 3:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Well, you asked Pivotal. So I had three different sources. My father, um, my then uh boyfriend, now husband, and then my best friend all pointed me to a woman who was doing a program on um on public television, and then there was a newspaper article about her, and I reached out to her, and she pointed me to the woman who then became my mentor for many, many years. And in fact, she's still alive and she still shows up every once in a while to encourage me and keep me going. So that was the first pivotal moment. There's been a few more since then, uh, but I'm gonna pause there for a minute and see if that uh fits for you.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

So, um, in regards to your mentor, um, meeting her for the first time, because people I I would love to hear you talk more about asking for help. Because I'm just saying you were going from a few weeks off, watching TV, dog and hog and daws, you know, and then people are putting this person in front of you, and you call her. What was that conversation?

SPEAKER_00 5:06

So she actually didn't turn out to be the mentor, which is interesting. Okay, she shared with me that she was very, you know, flattered, and that she had built her business for her family, and she's also she had also done a lot of work with women. Her name is Mary Kay Sloakowski, and Mary Kay said, I'm going to point you to Sandy Carn because I believe that Sandy will be a better resource for you. And if she's not, come back to me. Okay. So that's how I met Sandy. And I think to your point, sometimes it is all about just having the courage to ask. Yeah. And then trust where you're being directed.

Accidental Leadership And New Doors

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Yeah. And and to trust those connections. Like, you know, the first person may not have Mary Kay may not have been the person, but she connected you to Sandy, you know, and just trust that process and go, okay, that's not a wall. That is a door to open. And yeah. Good. Yeah. Now we love to talk about best.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Do you have any more pivotal moments that were, I mean, well, so there's two more, and the one that got me to Tara, um, I think two two kind of big ones. Um, so the second one was just building the business. And I and maybe those aren't quite as pivotal as um as as the last one, where I met actually, where I met Tara Brown. When you own your own business or when you are in leadership, there's a lot of ups and downs. One thing that is is again ironic and I believe very god-led, is when I moved here to North Carolina uh and was building my career and building my relationships and building my business, I also was uh elected as president of our American Training and Development chapter here in North Carolina in Charlotte. And that was a very interesting experience. And at the same time, I also was asked to be president of our business and professional women's chapter. So over a span of uh like 16, 18 months, I was president of two organizations, which taught me a lot about I used to call myself the accidental leader. Like I didn't know quite how that happened. Um, and and then I along the way wrote my book, Reset Your Buttons. Okay, now that little backstory has something to do with uh my third pivotal moment, which has been in the last four years when I lost my best friend from high school to ovarian cancer. And as I was entering into this decade and having losing her, I I was headed back for the couch. Let's let's say that. And and it was a it was a very heavy time. We had come out of the pandemic. Um, she actually passed while we were coming out of, I think, like the second pandemic. Um, and I honestly didn't know who I was or who I wanted to be anymore, if that makes sense. And I'm sure there's women out there who have felt that at some point in time. And so I asked my wonderful husband if he would go to the National Speakers Association, Carolina's chapter, was having their annual meeting at the Speedway Club. My husband's an ASCAR fan, so that was a pretty easy yes. Not that he wouldn't have said yes anyway. And so we went to the Speedway Club, and Tara was actually performing that night uh because she had won the uh or in addition to the fact that she had won the Jeannie Robertson award. And I met her and I met Larry Long Jr. And I met Michelle McCowan Campbell. And as that, as that time progressed in that in those relationships, I f I was I was feeling like I was being walked back into my life because of their faith and friendship and their faith in me as well. Yeah. It just helped me to, and of course, my husband and and other people, it it helped me to to to get back up on my legs again, is really how I felt about it.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

The connection is amazing that you just shared. The story is amazing and and how all of it comes together. And and we And now I'm here with you. And we've had a podcast with those other people, and they're all lovely. And I think of who we surround ourselves with. And at the time you went to the meeting, you didn't know them, and then you came out of it, and now look, you know, look where we are today surrounding. I feel like that's leader impact a bit. Leader impact, we have groups meeting around the world, and people didn't know each other, but we we come together and we support because leadership's lonely, and to have other people that are dealing with it, and and all those you can't talk to everyone about your leadership struggles. So to have that group of people, yeah, like Larry.

Grief And Finding Your Legs Again

SPEAKER_00 10:18

And and and they may have shared this with you. How we really came together was, and again, ways to find my legs again, so to speak, was Larry was the incoming president of our NSA Carolinas chapter. So I was asked to serve on his board, Tara was asked to serve on his board, and then Michelle served with me on my on the committee that I oversaw. So, and we shared together in a learning experience that also brought us together before we even started on the board. So I agree with you. It's it's it's finding that um if you don't have the courage to walk in the room, get somebody to walk in the room with you.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Oh, good one. I'm I'm just doing a presentation on sponsorship, and that if if you're not in the room, I'll I'll take you in the room with my, you know, I will say, have you heard of Mary Elizabeth? She's this. Yeah, yeah. I love that. It's a great point. Yeah. All right. Well, we're gonna move on to the second question of best principle of success. If you have one, you know, um what you live by every day, but your best principle of success and a story that might illustrate that.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Hmm. I'm not sure about a story, but I'll I'll I'll give I'll give you maybe two best principles. All right. One was just given to me recently, I was reminded of. So I've always believed that when you're in a volunteer leadership role or any leadership role, your job is to raise up other leaders. That's that's the that's why I'm here. I'm here to help other leaders, you know, rise up so that they can do their work in the world, whether that was business and professional women, American training and development, which is now American talent development. Um, now again, being back, oh, that was the other pivotal moment. I I'm now president again on the ATD Carolinas or Charlotte board, uh, with with which will bring to my uh another principle, which a good friend gave to me. I'm kind of being a little scattered here for a minute, so let me let me get clear. So I believe that we should raise up other leaders. That's our job. If you're in a leadership role, your job is to raise up other leaders and also to help people get to where where wherever they want to be. But we all have leadership ability and capabilities. Um, and a friend of mine, when this situation happened where I became president again of our ATD Carolinas chapter, she had been on my board back in the day, 20 years prior, and she said, just remember all the lessons you have learned since then, since we sat around that table trying to figure out what to do to where you are now and what you know, and hold that as your anchor what as you're taking on this role this time. So I think there's something to be, or I know there's something to be said for what did you learn along the way? And and when I talk about trusting God to lead my path, and I'm not always, you know, I'm not always great at it. When I do, if you think about the I, you know, I I didn't want to walk into the Speedway Club by myself. My husband walked me in. Um, I I met these wonderful people. I met Larry Long. I hadn't met Tara or Michelle at that point. I was asked to be on the board. Oh well, well, I had seen Tara perform. Um I then got my legs under me to begin to be a better leader again. I've I was reacquainted with myself and my ability to do it. And now I'm the president of the ATD Charlotte chapter. Yeah. Not because I was searching for it.

Raise Up Other Leaders

SPEAKER_01 14:21

Yeah. I think a lot of women will could resonate with that uh as we step away. We step away from our our careers for different reasons. If it's to raise a family, uh, you know, whatever that is, if you're a caregiver, um we step away, and when we come back, we don't know what we're good at. We we don't have, you know, and we had those skills. We know we did. We just we need we need some support, we need some friends, we need someone to go to give us a chance to put our name in the room and everything you've said.

SPEAKER_00 14:51

And we need to be reminded. Yeah. You know, I think that's a big part of it too, Lisa, is to be given the opportunity, because that's what that those pivotal moments were about, is I was given the opportunity to be reminded of what I'm capable of doing. Yeah. And and what I have done. Yeah. Good.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

So this kind of leads in when you've talked about taking what you learned along the way. I'm pretty sure there was some failures along the way, some mistakes. I'm wondering if you have if you have one that you could share and what you learned from it.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Yeah, I'm not sure if it's a well, there's there's many mistakes of uh for for some of us, not all of us, but especially when you own your own business with where do I invest my, you know, what are the things I need to invest my money in? Memberships, learning, conferences, products, all those things. Uh so that that can be a challenge and probably a conversation for another day. Um, I think about when I wrote Reset Your Buttons. So it took me seven years to write all less than a hundred pages of that book. Um and I I don't know if this is answering your question or not, Lisa, because I don't know if again, I don't know if I should have done it faster. No, was it done, you know? Yeah, if it was done, if I if my belief is to follow God's perfect timing, then it was done in the in the timing that it was supposed to be done in. Uh it starts out. I talk about when I was young, that my mother always said, Why do you let people push your buttons? And the unfortunate part, and maybe you know, this is part of it, is she passed before I was able to finish and publish the book. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 16:49

I don't know if that's a that is really good. Yeah, I think that you know, you just said it took seven years to write the book. I I want to believe that uh anything that happens in my life when there's a a good thing or a and even though it's a fail, it's a failing or a mistake, I learned from it. You know, so I always walk away with a positive, and I well, okay, I don't always. I really, I really work hard at like, okay, what what am I to learn here? This this I'm in the suck, as I called it. Um, and you know what, you didn't get a book written in seven years, but it wasn't meant to be written in seven in four years.

unknown 17:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

There was something that you needed to learn to experience, you know.

Mistakes Timing And Writing The Book

SPEAKER_00 17:31

I mean, I'm not a counselor, so I shouldn't be no, but I think you're right because there are so many things that made that model method and mindset so important. And when I wrote it, it helped me to write it as this is I I want this to be, you know, we call them coffee table books, but I want this to be a book that and people have told me this that I can keep on my nightstand and reference when I need it, when I need to be reminded. And uh, I have a plan to to write a second book this year. And people have said, Well, why, you know, why'd you wait so long? And I'm like, because I didn't have anything else to say. And now I do.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

I always wonder about those authors that just whip off books and you're like, wow, yeah, they have a lot to say, I guess. They have a lot to say. All right. Well, at Leader Impact, we want to grow personally, professionally, and spiritually for increasing impact. So I'm wondering if you're willing to share an example on how the spiritual makes a practical difference in your life as a leader.

SPEAKER_00 18:37

Um, I I again I'm not sure this is practical, but it's grounding. Um every odd, every group I've had the privilege of speaking to, whether it's training, uh, conference, you right now, uh, I I believe in with everything within me that is that's a God moment. Because there's too much that has to go into You met Tara. You and I to bring us together, there's a there's there's God's reason for doing that. And I'm not always, you know, catch me in the grocery store on a bad day. I'm not remembering that all the time, right? Or somebody cuts me off in traffic. But that's the that's my frame. So ask me that question again, and I'm gonna I'm gonna attempt to answer it through that frame, if that's helpful.

SPEAKER_01 19:38

So I'm just wondering if you uh have an example of how the spiritual makes a practical difference in your life as a leader.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

So the practical side of that is that when I get cremogeny about, you know, like I I I have to start early in the morning with a client, or you know, I've been I'm gonna be standing on concrete for 12 hours, or the the practical for me is always remembering what it took to get those that person, those people in front of me. That's my practical application, and it's also my practical application when I am when I am in the doubt to I I wear a I started wearing a necklace uh years ago, I wore just a mustard seed. Like I took a little mustard seed and I put it in a little heart locket because of what I was going through in my life, and I've always believed that have the faith of a mustard seed, right? Um and and so so that's my practical application is that when I'm in doubt, when I'm in fear, when it's not going the way I think that it needs to, I just remember that's that's I just need that much faith to get me through these next few moments, and beautiful, wonderful, miraculous things can happen.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Yeah. Yeah, it's good. I love the mustard seed. I don't think I don't think I know anyone who wears a mustard seed.

SPEAKER_00 21:08

I I know I wanted I wanted something. Well, again, I have that from the past, and then and when I started thinking about what did I want to wear, I was like, yeah. And this this little one happen actually has a little mountain in it, so it's like scaling a mountain and you know, a couple little things like that we can apply.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Yeah, and I bet it's a great conversation piece. People go like, what are you wearing?

Mustard Seed Faith In Real Life

SPEAKER_00 21:30

No one ever notices. It's so no one ever notices. No, it's okay, though. It's okay. It's yeah, you know, good, I know, and that's the practical application as well, right? I know I know.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, I love it. So at Leader Impact, we're dedicated to leaders having a lasting impact. So as you continue to move through your own journey, your many pivotal moments, have you considered what you want your faith legacy to be when you leave this world?

SPEAKER_00 21:58

I it it's funny because I I'm calling this my legacy chapter, so I appreciate that question on many levels. Um, I I believe that that reset your buttons is is a big part of that, knowing because the t the tag um subtitle to it is in create relationships that work. So my legacy, I I hope that my legacy is that everything we've talked about already today, that I've helped to raise up other leaders who have learned to become better leaders, and that they know how to reset their buttons when those buttons get pushed, so that they are clear and that they do ask. This is the other practical application, is that every morning I ask to have um eyes to see, ears to hear, and words to speak, that that God would have me see, hear, and speak. Um and again, not always perfect at that. But that's that that that's my guidance. That's that's what helps me.

SPEAKER_01 23:08

I love when people admit because sometimes you're you know, uh, I host a a talk show in Regina, I'm on you know in my city, I'm on TV, and I think everyone just expects you to be perfect. So when when we have conversations like this and we like I am not, and anyone listening, I'm not. And I so thank you for just always you're saying that you know we we were we are working very hard to do things right, and sometimes we fail. And we know that the moment was that was the moment we lived, moving on, you know. That was we were supposed to be there for a lesson, a learned, yeah. That's it. Yeah. Well, my final question for you, Mary Elizabeth, is what brings you the greatest joy?

SPEAKER_00 23:51

Oh, other people's success. That's easy. One other people's success. Yeah, just just seeing other people deliver in you know, in the speaker world, seeing other people deliver great messages that move an audience, um, reading a really good book, uh, watching the chosen, uh, inviting someone to uh uh we the church we subscribe to is in Atlanta, it's North Point Church with Andy Stanley, who's Charles Stanley's son. Um having family, introducing them to him or one of his sermons and um having people enjoy it, right? I think that's um that's the that's the effervescence of life, right?

Legacy Joy And Ways To Connect

SPEAKER_01 24:38

It is. Yeah. Okay, so let's go back to Andy Stanley.

SPEAKER_00 24:44

You know him? I don't know him personally, um, but he is he started a church in um, oh, I'm gonna get this wrong. Uh I'm gonna no, I don't think it's Marietta, Georgia, but it's in Georgia, okay. Um not far from Atlanta, and and you know he's Charles Stanley's son, right? No. So Charles Stanley is so I was born and raised Catholic. Um and along the way I found Andy doing a it was a television thing uh that I happened on one one night, and my husband and I started watching him, and he and he gives very practical advice. And his church, the church that they're built that they have built and that they are expanding, um, which is called the uh I'm sorry, Lisa, I just did not have enough coffee this morning. Um I I want to say it's the inspirational church network, but that's not right. Irresistible, it's the irresistible church network. Okay. This church is North Point. Um, but they have one that here's their mission that following Jesus make can make your life better. Make you better at life, make you better at life, and and make your life better. I mean, working with vision and mission statements forever with clients, I'm like, that's a simple, easy one, practical that I can follow, right?

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah, yeah. Um, for anyone listening, uh, I I Andy Stanley, look him up, is all I'll say. Like he is so good. His books, his videos, you can find so much on him. And yeah, so I'm glad you brought up that name. He yeah, he's he's a good one.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Yeah, North Point Church on Sundays. You can watch it online.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Okay, that sounds good. Uh Mary Elizabeth, I want to thank you for taking time out of your very busy day. It was hard to track you down and and thank your assistant for me for working us back and forth. Um, now if anyone wants to connect with you, find out more about your book or anything, just how can they connect with you?

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Uh they can find the book on Amazon or they can go to our resetyourbuttons.com website. And if they want to order an autograph book, they can do that there. Uh, and our my business is Star Resources, which stands for Strategic Teams Achieving Results. Okay. And that's starresources.net.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Okay. Well, Mary Elizabeth, you've brought joy to my life. I love being here, hearing people's stories, and just and just being allowed to share. So thank you for joining us here today. Just we so appreciate you.

SPEAKER_00 27:17

Thank you. Thank you for what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 27:19

All right, thank you. All right, well, to all of you, if you're part of Leader Impact, you can always discuss or share this podcast with your group. And if you are not yet part of Leader Impact and would like to find out more and grow your leadership, find our podcast page on our website at leaderimpact.ca. You can also check out groups available in Canada at Leaderimpact.ca. Or if you're listening from anywhere else in the world, check out LeaderImpact.com or get in touch with us by email. Info at LeaderImpact.ca, and we will connect you. And if you like this podcast, please leave us a comment, give us a rating or review. This will help other global leaders find our podcast. Thank you for engaging with us. And remember, impact starts with you.