Ep. 108 - Melissa Harris-Allen - Reflections of An Emerging Leader

We sit down with Melissa Harris-Allen, a retail sales manager and emerging leader, to unpack how a post-maternity leave “in-charge” role became her turning point and why the skills built in motherhood can strengthen empathy, composure, and people-first leadership at work.

Melissa shares what she had to unlearn, how mentors created a safe space to learn without judgment, and why self-grace matters when you are growing into responsibility. We also talk about practical leadership development habits like reflection, asking for feedback, and treating unexpected feedback as a gift instead of a threat.

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Transcript

Welcome And Meet Melissa

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Welcome to the Leader Impact Podcast. We are a community of leaders with a network in over 350 cities around the world dedicated to optimizing our personal, professional, and spiritual lives to have impact. This show is where we have a chance to listen and engage with leaders who are living this out. We love talking with leaders, so if you have any questions, comments, or suggestions to make this show even better, please let us know. The best way to stay connected in Canada is through our newsletter at leaderimpact.ca or on social at LeaderImpact. And if you're listening from outside of Canada, check out our website at leaderimpact.com. I'm your host, Lisa Peters, and our guest today is Melissa Harris Allen. Melissa is a sales manager at a retail communication store where she leads an incredible team and drives results while creating meaningful customer experiences. During her leadership journey, she has discovered a true passion for connection, whether that's inspiring growth, building confidence, or just showing up for her team. Melissa is about leading in a way that feels human, authentic, and motivating. Outside of work, she is married with two amazing children, a five-year-old and an 18-month-old that keeps her very busy, but she says also grounded and completely fulfilled. Between leadership and motherhood, life moves fast. But Melissa absolutely loves the journey and the growth that comes with it. Welcome to the show, Melissa.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Hi, Lisa. Thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

I think you might be one of my youngest interviewers. So I'm super excited because I have some very different questions for you today. But just thank you for trusting me and jumping in on this.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

Well, thank you for the opportunity. I'm looking forward to it. And yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

All right.

A Pivotal Leap After Leave

SPEAKER_00 1:44

So my first question is kind of the same as I ask everybody. So we want to hear a bit of your professional story and how you got to where you are today. And really, it's that do you have a pivotal moment? And I know you're young, but do you have a pivotal moment in your journey?

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah, for sure. Um, I was coming back from maternity leave after my first um child, so after my daughter, and I was given an opportunity to take on over as like an in-charge role. So I wasn't in management quite yet, but I came over into an in-charge and got a little bit of a taste of what that kind of leadership role would look like. And I quickly fell in love with it and realized that it was something that I really wanted to pursue. So the pivotal point for me would be just kind of stepping into that first formal leadership role. So it challenged my assumptions of what I thought it would be, and it pushed me definitely far out of my comfort zone. Um, I realized what made me successful as you know an employee was different than what would make as an individual contributor. It wasn't enough. It would be different as a leadership perspective. So I had to learn how to, you know, delegate, um, coach different personalities and lead through others instead of doing everything myself. So I definitely had to learn that one a little bit differently from how I had done things previously.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

That's amazing that you would take that role on right after coming back from having your first child. Because I know that that's overwhelming just at home. And I know a lot of the of our listeners can resonate with that, that coming back to work is overwhelming, number one in the first place, and you took a bigger role. Um, what were you thinking?

SPEAKER_01 3:23

I was excited. I was excited for something, you know, a new challenge and something different. And I think coming back into a work environment after being on maternity leave, I was I took an 18-month one at that time, and I felt like the skills that I learned, you know, from being a parent and navigating what that looks like and how life is different, um, I was really able to apply those into like the human perspective of working with people and um and and managing in that regard.

SPEAKER_00 3:51

So yeah, I was open to the challenge. I love that you mentioned that because I think sometimes um if women take time off, 18 months is a long time. Um, but when they take time away from work, we always feel like we're gonna get forgotten, we've lost our skills. And here, you know, you're just saying the skills you learned from being a mother are amazing, and they truly are. I mean, I think there's we learn a lot from being at home. So I thank you for just acknowledging that because I think that's a great, uh, a great point. Yeah.

Unlearning The Need To Know

SPEAKER_00 4:24

Thank you. So our second question is what is something you believe about leadership that you've already had to unlearn? Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:34

Um, that's a great question. So I think early on I had this internal pressure, like within myself, that I had to solve the problems quickly and independently and quietly, and just kind of have figure it out myself to build that credibility with my team. Um, but I did learn that it's less about having the answers and more about creating that space for others to contribute and to reach out and learn more to um and learn from other, you know, leaders that I've worked with and that are mentoring me and not be hard on myself when I don't have those answers or when I didn't do it, you know, quote, perfectly. Um, and just being gracious to myself about that. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:14

How did you learn that? Like who did someone teach you that? Did you have mentors? Is you know that's a that's a great lesson.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

That is, and I'm still learning it. Like I definitely haven't perfected things to say that like I've you know achieved mastery in that by any means. Um, I think that I the leaders that I work with um that have mentored me and that I've learned from have shown me that just even the grace and just forgiveness of like myself when I'm like hard on myself for not getting things right the first time. Um, they've really given that safe opportunity and space to be like, okay, let's talk this out, you know, and not making me feel judged for not having those answers immediately. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:55

That's some good leadership. Um, and I I because I know you and we've and you're in my leader impact group, um, I recognize that right away in you, that I was the leader of this group, yet watching you speak to everyone else in the group was like, I I Melissa should be leading this group. Um, you have that about you, and and early on in your life, and it you just you amaze me. So um, you know, good for you for unlearning it quickly.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Thank you, Lisa. Thank you so much. And thanks for being that example, you know, the someone that I can look to about, you know, how to how to do it the right way. So thank you.

unknown 6:34

Yeah.

Mentors Who Open Doors

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Um, so I want to know who took a chance on you early and what did they see in you before you saw it in yourself, or you saw it in yourself.

SPEAKER_01 6:46

Yeah. Um, okay. So early in my career, um, I there was a leader that I worked for, and she took a chance in me. So she took a chance in me before I saw potential myself. So she gave me opportunities to step up and open doors for me that I wouldn't have thought possible or nor knock on myself. Um, and so I actually recently asked her, I was like, what did you see in me? Um, which, you know, you were when you open these opportunities for me. Um and so she told me that it was the ability that I had to connect with people, um, to stay composed under pressure. And she used the word graceful. She said, you know, the grace in which I carried myself, the way I worked with, you know, my peers and the team, and kind of how that transpired into leadership. So at the time, like when I was working for her, I thought I was just, you know, like doing my job and just doing the things that were expected of me within my role, um, not realizing that those were, you know, quote, leadership qualities, and that she pushed me to lean into them. So she really helped mentor me and you know, helped help me see some of those and create that value for what a leadership quality would look like. Um, my current leader as well has taken a chance on me by investing, you know, in me in my growth and development. So I think I have a lot, um, a lot of you know leaders that have really taken those chances on me. So I'm really grateful.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Yeah. So I I would say that when you are given the opportunity and someone um believes in you and gives you a chance early on, I see that in you. And are so I will I will ask you, I see it in you that you're giving other people a chance. Would you say that about yourself and how how are you doing it?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Well, thank you. Um, that is definitely something that I aspire to do, to want to do, to have people, you know, that work with me or that I've, you know, come in contact with that I can give them opportunities before they necessarily see themselves have that or that they feel they're ready for in the same way that it was done for me. So um I want to emulate that for the people that are around me. So for my team. Um so how I think it would just be by recognizing, you know, what they bring, what their potential is, and what um, and something that's unique to them that they can bring to the team or the environment or whatever it may be and help them see that because you know, oftentimes I think when we're just in it, you know, in the day-to-day, we don't always see the things that make us stand out from others. So I want to be able to like shine that light on them for them to like highlight to see what they what what they can do for um for leadership as well.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

Yeah. And that's a big role as a leader is to step back and look at your team and and understand who's on the team, right? And everyone brings the skill. So how can we best bring that forth? Yeah, great.

Reflection Feedback And Self-Grace

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Um, my next question is about habits and disciplines or decisions. So if you have any habits, disciplines, or decisions that are helping you grow now, what are they? And I know, I mean, I know you're still figuring it out. Well, maybe you're not, maybe you are just set to go, but are there any that um that are helping you now to grow?

SPEAKER_01 9:54

Uh, definitely. And I definitely don't have it figured out. So I think day by day, um, so part of it it'd be reflection, um, reflection and then feedback, kind of learning from that. And with those two together, also allowing myself that grace when I don't do it perfectly. Um, I know that everyone, you know, can be your own worst critic and always instead of you know tearing myself down, like, oh, I should have, could have, would have done this differently, learning from that and then asking for feedback and you know, looking for those opportunities to grow. Um, I want to be able to, you know, be comfortable with the decisions that I that I don't have everything figured out and it just suggests as I go and just be okay with you know where I am with that.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Yeah, it's um it's tough not and it's not that it's not I don't even know if that made sense. It's tough to not tear yourself down, but it's interesting to think, would I ever say that to anyone else? No. Why am I saying it to myself? And that has been yeah. Um so reflection and feedback. Have you ever so I mean I'm sure you're still getting it. You I mean you reflect daily, the feedback you you ask for. Has there ever have you ever gotten feedback you never asked for? And you know, was it a good experience, bad experience? I mean, there's a probably a lot of times you've this has happened, but not sure if you have a story.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

Yeah, let me think if I have something specific. And definitely, I've definitely gotten feedback when I haven't asked for it, and that's okay. Um, and it's always great, you know, feedback is a gift, regardless of if what whether you asked for it, if it was just, you know, gifted to you in that moment. Um, so I don't have a specific example, but it would just kind of be, you know, someone coming up and you weren't expecting it, and then be like, okay, yeah, thank you. Let's let's take that feedback. And how can I take that away? And you know, sometimes when it catches you off guard, it's hard to like, you know, have a composed response to it, being like, I wasn't expecting that one. So it keeps you um, I think it keeps things fresh.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

Yeah. I loved your answer. It's a gift. Like you handled that question very well. Well done. Um,

Why Peer Community Changes Leadership

SPEAKER_00 12:03

the mission of Leader Impact is to help marketplace leaders explore the personal, professional, and spiritual impact we have uh on other people's lives. And we want to bring in the relevance of God. I mean, that's what our group's about. So you have been a member of Leader Impact in Regina, and actually it's a Saskatchewan online group. How long have you been a member for?

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Uh a year and a half, so just under two years.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

Okay. And can you what can you tell? I mean, I'm in your group, but what can you tell us for the listeners about your group? What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Okay, our group is amazing. It's wonderful. Um, it's filled with a variety of other women leaders, um, but they're, you know, in different walks of life or different organizations, and they bring in different perspectives that you know maybe you wouldn't get from like your day-to-day core group of leaders that you work with or people that you currently would. So the best part about it is that they bring different roles and life stages and expands like how I view leadership and and how I view instead of viewing it in that little box, it really expands my view on it. Um, yeah, so my experience with leaderships kind of been within one organization. So this has been great to have you know such different varieties and um uh perspectives and pushes me to grow like beyond.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

And I think that's what we love about you, Melissa, is is you bring a very different perspective, a very young leader coming up um to our group. Because some, I mean, I I think I might be the oldest, and I, you know, I'm only 56. Um I'm one of the oldest. But the the difference in our leadership, um, watching you, and then I'm like, I'm I'm almost on my way out. Uh, but I love every idea you bring. Your your compassion for people um is lovely. You always answer well. So oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

We love that. I'm so grateful to be in the group that you guys, you know, allow me to be there. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 13:57

Yeah, you're welcome. Uh, how does belonging to a community of peers help you with your life?

SPEAKER_01 14:04

Um in many ways. It would be it'd be like work, you know, balance with life, spiritual guidance, um, a sense of belonging, um, support, encouragement. Um, it honestly also brings confidence, which is great too, kind of reaffirms things that I feel. Um, accountability, you know, we're showing up, you know, early and that motivation too to be there, not only just for myself, but like to be there with the group and um, you know, do my part there too. So it brings so much.

SPEAKER_00 14:33

Yeah. Um,

Choosing Authenticity Over Authority

SPEAKER_00 14:35

I was in a meeting this morning and uh talking about next generation, and it's the leader impact next group. So it's it's leaders like yourself who are our next generation. And one of the comments made, and I'm gonna have you maybe answer this, but it said, and I wrote myself a note, that your your um generation is looking for authenticity over authority. And I I'm wondering if you can comment like, how do you be is it an authentic leader or is an authoritative leader who you respond to best?

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Oh, that's such a great question. Um, I would for sure say authentic. I feel like you can tell when someone isn't doing it for the right reasons or, you know, um with within leadership, you you have so much responsibility, you know, to take care of your people. Um, and of course there's the business aspect of it too, but you know, you're entrusted when you go to work, you're entrusting that leader to, you know, to do the best for you and speak for you and advocate for you in in rooms that you're not in. And I think if you're doing it without that authenticity, um, I don't know how you can be successful. So yeah, I think that's I think that's so important.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Yeah. That has really changed over the past many years. Um, the authenticity over authority. Uh you can't get by being authoritative. Like we want to be collaborative. We we, you know, we want to be your authentic self. Well done on the answer. So, one of my last questions, um, what can my generation do to help your generation lead well?

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Yeah, um, I love that question too. So I think now my answer might change in time from now, too, because you know, as I'm kind of up and coming with this as well, too. So here's what I'll say for right now. So I think the biggest one would be creating space for emerging leaders to, you know, contribute, especially with different perspectives. Um, with the the generation before mine, there's a lot of value in the experience and you know, learning from what has happened, not just like the end result, but the why behind it. So, you know, from my perspective as a new leader, you know, imposter syndrome can definitely show up. So in those moments, like having reassurance and support from an experienced leader can make a huge difference and has made a huge difference, um, just to build the confidence and reinforce that like, you know, I'm on the right path. This is the right direction to go. Um, and then it would just be sharing, like, like I mentioned, the why, like what got you to that decision to understand like the pattern of thought to get there instead of like this is just how we did it and it's how we do it, and that's how we always have. Um, and then asking, so me asking for like feedback. So you like the older the generation before me provide you know honest, constructive feedback, um, that mentorship is really important as well, too. Um, and then still having opportunities and giving opportunities before we are 100% ready or say we're ready. Because I think that we're always gonna wait for the time to be like, okay, now I'm ready. Um, the there's so much learning in you know, falling forward and learning from the ways that we don't that that we don't know that we don't know yet. So yeah, I think there's a lot of value in there too, and just yeah, and embracing it and you know, letting us learn. So yeah, yeah.

Vulnerability Joy And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Uh it made me think of um when I when I first started, uh well, when I first became a sort of a leader or had teams to lead, um I never I always looked at the older generation as you have it all together. You are clearly perfect, you you know, you have no problems, you always seem to have it together, you know the answers. And and then when I became, you know, higher, you know, you know, more of an experienced leader, I realized, nope, still don't have it together. But I but I look more composed. So, you know, so my question is, would you love hearing more stories about like leadership and hearing their vulnerability? Is that something that would interest your generation? Just, you know, if if I thought of having an event, but and I thought, you know, let's bring in a leader to tell their real story. Because sometimes we hide, leaders will hide, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Absolutely. I think there'd be so much value in that. I feel like we're always so, you know, we look at a composed, you know, person of leadership and like, oh, they've got it all together, they've got it figured out, and just kind of, you know, ripping off that bandid of like the human aspect of it and like here's the storytelling behind it, I think would create so much um so so so much empowerment for those that are wanting to lead to, because then there's it takes away that fear aspect and it makes it more human. So absolutely that vulnerability is is huge.

SPEAKER_00 19:29

Yeah. Well, Melissa, I don't know if I mean if you realize that your you telling your story will inspire someone. Some part of your story will make someone, will make someone make a difference. So thank you for sharing your story because leaders at all ages, at all entry, like we all have to share. So, and that's why I asked you here today. So it's it's just so good to share time with you. Um my one last question. Um, what brings you the greatest joy? I ask everyone that.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Okay. Um, so personally, um, I'd say it'd be about like, I'm so proud to be a mother. I'm so proud of my children. I'm so proud of, you know, watching them grow and they bring me so much joy daily. Um, from a personal level, outside of, you know, my beautiful, amazing children, it'd be um like connections, like meaningful connections with people, um, and knowing that I'm making a positive impact on each of the spaces that I'm I enter in. Um, and then professionally it would be developing people and seeing them grow and seeing people see their own potential themselves. And when that light bulb clicks and just being able to celebrate with them, that's huge. So that makes me really excited.

SPEAKER_00 20:46

Oh, Melissa, I want to thank you for joining us. You are uh an emerging leader in Regina and you make me smile. Every time you show up to our Tuesday morning 7 a.m. meetings, you blow me away with usually there's might there might be a kid on your lap when you a child, uh when you were on MAT leave, but now you know you get to work early and you log on. So thank you for joining Leader Impact. I hope, I hope one day um we're gonna get you leading a team of our next generation. I I think that would be just so perfect. Um if anyone wants to get a hold of you, Melissa, what is the best way for them to connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 21:24

Um they can email me. So it'd be my first name, so melissa.harris.allen at gmail.com. And thank you, Lisa. Thank you for the opportunity in the forum to have this discussion with you and for opening this door. So I'm I'm so grateful to you and to Leader Impact. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 21:41

Well, there will be more, Melissa. I know. All right, well, I want to thank everyone else for listening. Uh, we love having you. If you're part of Leader Impact, you can always discuss or share this podcast with your group. And if you are not yet part of Leader Impact and would like to find out more and grow your leadership, find our podcast page on our website at leaderimpact.ca and check out our free leadership assessment. You'll also find our webpage, on our webpage, chapter one of Braden Douglas's book, Becoming a Leader of Impact. It's a great book. Uh, you can also check out our groups available in Canada at LeaderImpact.ca, or if you're listening from anywhere else in the world, check out LeaderImpact.com or get in touch with us by email. Info at LeaderImpact.ca, and we will connect you. And if you like this podcast, please leave us a comment, give us a rating, or review. This will help other global leaders find our podcast. Thank you for engaging with us. And remember, impact starts with you.